Most of my life over the past three weeks has felt like I am in a washing machine that is firmly strapped to a roller coaster.
So many emotions, so many highs and lows and no real clear idea of how to walk through it.
My mum is in the latter stages of her life, could be days, hours or moments when she passes from this life into Eternity. Whilst I have strength in the knowledge that I will see her again in Heaven, the journey toward her departure is such a difficult one to navigate.
At this point in time, I am doing all I can to let her know she is loved, that she has been a great mum and be present for her, all the while choking back tears as I watch her struggle to breathe. In these moments, I understand the discussion around euthanasia. I do not agree with it, because it is not we who decide length of life, but I certainly understand the argument.
I also want, as a follower of Jesus, to carry myself well through this. To trust Jesus and to know that He holds us, all of us. To only trust Jesus in the good times, well, that’s easy, but to trust him when you are facing that time where you just declare “God, I don’t understand” that is a whole other thing.
Bill Johnson the Senior Pastor of Bethel in Redding, California recently lost his beautiful wife Benni to cancer. On the weekend immediately after her death – Bill preached in church. There was an excerpt of his message on Facebook. This is one phrase that captured me:
‘In order to have peace that surpasses all understanding, you have to give up your right to understand’ Bill Johnson
I am not going to add anything further. I want to leave this with you to ponder what that means for you. It has and is having a great impact on me at this point in my journey.
May you be blessed in your coming and in your going. May the God of peace surround you and hold you.
Captivating Freedom 