She sat in the front room, looking out of the window. Her view was not wonderful, but she could see all the roads that led to her small house. There were three roads that could carry people to her home. The road at the top of her street and the road and the bottom of her street and then there was her little street.
She could see every vehicle that travelled the streets. Every person who walked along the footpath. The dogs and children that played in the park – she could see everything.
She was a lonely figure in her little loungeroom. She knew every stitch of the lace that made up her curtains hanging at the front window. The lounge that she sat on was very familiar and very comfortable, but she longed to be somewhere else. Anywhere else.
She was locked inside. Not inside her house, because she could easily walk outside any time that she wanted. No, she was locked inside her own little world that she had created because the truth was – she had no friends. She was always hesitant about leaving her lounge for fear that she would miss seeing that elusive car that was bringing someone to her door. She wanted to see that. She wanted to take in that wondrous occasion. The next vehicle could be the one.
She was completely alone, and no one came. This was how she spent her weekends. She dreamt of what others might be doing. Each vehicle carried a story. The stories she formulated were very creative.
During the week her life was as everyone else’s. She got up in the morning, ate her breakfast, did her make up got dressed and then headed off to work. She had no car but caught the bus and sat alone, talked to no-one and no-one talked to her. In fact, no-one even acknowledged her existence.
She would go in to work and put in a full day. She tried to involve herself in the conversations going on around her, but it appeared to her that no one was particularly interested in anything she had to say. For the most part – she felt invisible.
This was my life as a 17-year-old. I should have been out having fun, spending time with friends. Unfortunately, my life had taken a drastic turn a few years before and any ‘friends’ I did have were no longer there. I was alone.
It was a tough time. I existed like this for a whole year. Then, one day, I was asked by someone at work if I liked hockey because they were looking to form a hockey team and needed just one more player. I lied, told them I loved it and that I was very good at it. So, I joined the team. Turns out I didn’t lie about being very good at it – I was. At least – I could play and was very good at scoring goals, but I knew nothing about the rules. I was determined to not let my workmates down and so I studied everything there was to know about it.
Soon my Saturdays became full of sport. A few other of the girls I worked with played Squash and others played Netball and so I joined them. I had played Netball as a younger child and the team I was in won a couple of comps and so I knew I could do that. I was not just part of one team but of several teams. This was fun and I was able to connect with people, albeit on a very basic level.
One day she sat, looking out her window, as she had done for a long time. A car drove along the top street. Immediately she began to create a story about where that car was going. But, the car didn’t continue along the top street, it turned down her street. The car stopped out the front of her house. The horn beeped. She leapt to her feet, her heart pounding loudly. She picked up her gear and ran out of the house and as she went she yelled out to her grandmother “Off to hockey, be back later, love you!”
So this is what it feels like……
Captivating Freedom 