The next thing I wanted to do was marry my husband all over again.
My husband has stood beside me, he has stood behind me, he has been there through every dark and difficult moment. He has been there in every joyous and victorious moment. He has never walked away, although I am certain there are plenty of times he thought to himself “what the heck have I gotten myself into here?”
There is nothing about our marriage that is or has been party to the lies that I had gotten myself into the habit of telling. Although there were many times when I lied about how sick I was or exactly what the doctors had told me. My love for him was true and he is the very first person that I allowed to step inside my walls. To this day I cannot tell you why I did that. I only know that his love for me, disarmed me.
There were so many struggles. He loved me, but why? You see because I didn’t love myself, or even like myself very much – there always had to be a catch to everything in my life. Nothing good could happen to me because I didn’t deserve that. I also think that although his love had disarmed me, I still was not 100% able to let the walls down. I suffered incredible jealousy – convinced myself that he could not possibly love me as much as he said he did. There were so many doubts in my mind that I found myself constantly using anger to cover my inner doubts.
There is not a man alive that would still be with a woman like me for as long as he has. No man except for this one. His love for me is so beautiful and rare. No matter what I threw at him, he stayed and stayed and stayed. I asked him one day why he didn’t leave and his answer was simple “We promised to love each other ‘til death us do part and neither of us is dead yet”. He has always reminded me that we are doing life together and life is messy, ‘you will have your days and I will have mine.’ However, I think I have had way more days than he could ever have.
So, on the 19th April 2013 we renewed our vows. He didn’t think it was necessary but knew that it was necessary for me. We invited family and friends and we had a truly special day. Nothing changed in our relationship – we didn’t need to renew our vows to give us a new lease of life in our marriage because our marriage was and is strong. It was almost as if a line was drawn in the sand that day – for me. A line was drawn in the sand that day that clearly differentiated the old and the new.
I know without a doubt that God chose this man to stand with me and I am so eternally grateful to Him for this and for so much more.
On the 16th April 2022 we will celebrate 39 years of marriage. Thank you Jesus.
Captivating Freedom 