The next morning when I woke up I smiled. For the next period of time I walked around with this silly grin on my face. People kept saying to me “there’s something different about you” and all I could tell them was that I have had a realization that God loves me.
Just like every human being on the planet I struggle with accepting that I am loved by God, especially when everything around me indicates the exact opposite. Knowing that God loves you does not change the circumstances in which you find yourself every day, but it does change how you face each of the challenges that come your way.
As each day passed in my time of counselling – my life became more and more of a maze. I found each day sifting through what of my life had been real and what part I had created. It was as if two separate worlds existed running alongside each other. My psychologist explained it like this: There are two concurrent grooves that have been worn in my life – one is the truth and the other is false. What we need to do is bring the two together, sort out what is the truth and then leave the false groove behind.
In the moments, days, weeks that the two worlds collide – nothing is clear. I have to say during this time I have never felt so much confusion and anxiety. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I wanted to run away. I had to hold on tight to the decision I made to continue because it was a vulnerable time where I didn’t know what was going to happen next.
Every single session talking with my psychologist gently brought me through and led me to a place on each occasion where I gained a little more clarity. I was in the thick of it and settled in for the long haul.
Captivating Freedom 