One of the things that arose out of my counselling was that I didn’t truly believe that God loved me. I believed that I was way too bad and that God was way too out there to love me. I was really fine with that, as long as I loved Him, and I did, then it was okay if He didn’t love me back. After all, He had all those amazing people, high profile people that He was super busy loving.
It was interesting to note just how significant events of my young years had really shaped my belief structure.
I had to learn to love myself and to understand that I was loved by God, unconditionally.
I remember the very first day I realized that God loved me.
I had decided that I wanted to go to Sydney and undertake a program which was being run by this incredible woman Margaret Stunt. I had seen her a few years earlier at Colour Conference and I had heard she was in Australia and so I contacted her and asked her if she did counselling. She did not but she was running this course. I decided to go and do it. It meant leaving my job early each Monday afternoon, driving to Sydney for a 1 hour session and then driving back home again.
My girlfriend Joy, had volunteered to come with me so that I was not driving alone. This one night, she was unable to attend because she had another commitment. I was fine – put some worship music on and down the freeway I headed.
At one point during the evening, I clearly remember, Margaret was speaking and she came over to the table I was sitting at and she leant down and said “Do you know that when you wake up in the morning God smiles?” “He cannot wait to spend time with you, He cheers, claps His hands and says oh goody she is awake.”
We finished the evening and as I walked to my car I began to cry because I had never ever thought of God in such a personal way before. I have never thought anyone would be excited that I was awake. As I drove along the freeway home, some 2 hours drive I was smiling, laughing and crying all at the same time. I’m sure people driving alongside were wondering “what on earth?” You could not wipe the smile from my face and the next morning when I awoke – I felt amazing.
Here is a clear example of how God had cared for me. If my friend had come with me – I would have been distracted by conversation and not have had that time of closeness to God all the way home. It was truly a gift from Heaven.
Captivating Freedom 