Of course, as the appointment approached I began to question whether I really needed to go. I mean I had made the appointment straight after an attack and I was feeling much better now. I had not had any attacks at all and I was doing great. Life couldn’t be better. What was I going to say to her? I had nothing to tell her. I didn’t know what was wrong with me so how was not saying anything to this person I didn’t know going to make any difference. If I didn’t know what was wrong with me – well she surely wouldn’t. Right??? So many excuses.
Therein lies the issue for many of us. We finally make a first step and by the time we actually get to where the help can be given – we back away because we have managed to convince ourselves that we don’t need help.
But, in spite of those questions and statements – I went to my very first appointment. It was ugly. Have you ever ‘ugly’ cried. Girls you will know what I mean. One of those sessions where you know your face is scrunching up into all kinds of ugly and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Well that was me after she asked the first question……… All appointments are only 50 minutes and I think I cried for all 50 of them. I was shocked when we got to the ‘time is up’ but not shocked at all when she made an appointment for the next day and the next day and the next day. It became apparent very early on that I was not in a good place.
Of course, we did get some talking done in between sobs. I also realized that day why appointments are only 50 minutes. I don’t know how they do what they do, but they are amazing people. Late in life and having been under the care of such an amazing woman for as long as I have, I now wish I had chosen this as a career. I would love to help people in this way.
Right here at the outset of sharing the next part of the journey in therapy, I want to pay tribute to this amazing woman. You know who you are. Thank you for helping me find my true self.
Forever grateful.
Captivating Freedom 