I had reached the ripe old age of 55 and things were going along not too badly. I mean there were little things that were happening where I felt like – mmmmm this just doesn’t feel right.
At first I thought it was just me having a crisis of dress. Not sure what to wear anymore. I started wearing all kinds of different clothing but it was not right for the settings. For example I went to a Girl’s Night at the church I was attending and these nights are generally all about girls getting dressed up. I went in a racer back singlet top, tights and thongs. I walked in feeling confident in my choice but as I sat there I became increasingly uncomfortable. There was nothing right about the way I was dressed and there was certainly nothing ‘me’ in the way I was dressed. I left before the night was over. It was the craziest thing I have ever done. Was I trying to make a statement? Was I searching for my identity? I had no idea what was going on, but I did realize that it was not a crisis of clothing.
I still did not know what was going on. I went through so many different scenarios of what I thought the problem was. I just didn’t fit in – anywhere.
I don’t know- it felt like there things in my life were just not adding up – I felt uncomfortable and awkward all the time.
I believed I was happy enough but I knew that there was something just not right.
Captivating Freedom 