Because I met a boy……
It is at this juncture here, I was reintroduced to the church (I used to go to Sunday School). This guy was pretty amazing and he went to church every Sunday and was involved in a youth group. It was pretty strange, at first, but I liked him and remember I had been playing at being a Christian so I had to ‘go along’ with all the Church stuff he wanted to do.
I began to make a whole new group of friends and you know what apart from the ‘Christian’ thing, I did not feel compelled on any occasion to lie to them. I could handle being the good Christian, because it wasn’t hard and the people I met seemed to accept me for who I was. The thing about hanging out with people who share a common thought process is that you begin to learn a lot about what they believe. I was enjoying being in church.
I did not see the break up coming and I certainly never thought I would hear the reason he gave. He told me “God had told him that I was not the girl for him.” And with that – he was gone from my life. I was heartbroken and this shattered everything I had been learning about Christians and God. Why did God say that? Wasn’t I good enough? Does God hate me? I was left with more questions than answers and I never wanted to go near a church again.
I did eventually go back because I missed the people I had been hanging out with. However, they were different to me now without the boy. I started to lie again and build this whole other life. I told them any story that would make them feel sorry for me and accepted me back into the group.
It was about a year after this that a travelling Christian Theatre company came to our church and ran a drama workshop. It ran for a week and it was so much fun. I loved it. Wow – drama, acting – I was a good liar and so acting provided such a buzz for me.
By the end of the week, I had left my job, packed up my life and gone on the road, touring with this group. It was not glamorous and there was no pay. We slept on church hall floors, visited churches, prisons, schools where we performed. I was having the best time.
I could tell these guys whatever I wanted and they believed it. I think we were all escaping from something.
Now I was set. Not only was I lying about my life but my life was lying as I created character after character. It was fabulous.
Captivating Freedom 