I was determined to make this work. Again, I started out small but then I graduated to bigger and bigger embellishments. Okay let’s call it for what it is – lies.
Oh my goodness you would not believe the number of people my family were related to, or knew. You may not, but believe me the kids in my school – believed every word. I, who had not belonged to any ‘group’ suddenly was included in the Beautiful and Intelligent group. All of the girls in this group were good in class and were very popular and most were stunningly beautiful.
It is actually funny how some things work out. Becoming part of this group, really spurred me on in my school work. I was no dummy. I was quite an achiever and never ever had to lie about my ability to do well in the majority of my chosen studies.
However, belonging to a group did not bring me a whole lot of joy. I was not able to allow anyone to get too close to me because I could not risk them finding out the truth. All those things I had lied about, no one could ever know.
It wasn’t too long before I was a loner, oh yes part of the ‘group’ but a loner. You see to truly belong to the group – the girls went to each other’s homes and had sleep overs and parties. I always went to their homes but I could not invite anyone to my home. Not once, not ever. Very soon I was an outsider in the group.
These lies had robbed me of any chance of me being able to let anyone get to know me. As much as I wanted to belong and to be loved and have ‘best’ friends for life. This was never going to happen.
It is quite sad as I re-read what I am writing. The very thing I wanted was to belong and to be accepted – that is why I started lying. But, because of the lies, I was no longer able to belong or be accepted because no-one could ever know the truth about my life.
Captivating Freedom 